"Providing lasting pleasure,
potential beyond measure,
the rarest of treasure,
a reputation of virtuous character."
JMK
Currently reading: Lady in Waiting by Jackie Kendall & Debby Jones
"One of life's most costly and beautiful objects is born out of pain and irritation -- the pearl.
A tiny piece of sand slips into an oyster's shell and begins to rub against the soft tissue, causting irritation. In response to the irritation, the oyster produces a hard substance. This substance eventually develops into one of the world's most beautiful jewels -- a lovely luminous pearl.
In fact, the greater the irritation, the more valuable the pearl!"
This feels very bittersweet. This renovation going on in my heart. Tearing down old walls and cleaning the moss away.
The old smell from the mildew swiftly passes by me with memories.. But they are only memories now.
Re-decorating the room with exactly what God desires. And I choose His desires because it is exactly what I wanted.
Yes... I made a mess of myself. All the pieces of my heart I gave away. All the foolishness that I've done.
All my philosophizing and obsession about understanding and wisdom.
I am not mature.. I am only a baby.. especially in God's eyes.
Yes I have the gift of knowledge.. yes.. I have the gift of wisdom.
But what value do such things have when I don't have love?
I have my own ideals of men and my future husband.. I even have the famous "list ten traits" I look for in my husband since early high school..
All my insecurities and expectations of how my man should be.. or what I can offer him and he offer me..
sigh... I can go on and on and on of all the lists that are poison to my heart right now.. But it doesn't matter because God is literally sucking them out of me.
His Word's been a mirror to my heart these days. God's been showing me all my impure motives and impure thoughts I have.
Jeremiah 17:9 "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?"
Yea... who can understand it.. If not I.. then not my husband...LOL
Ruth.. God plundered her into fire by allowing her to lose her family and loved ones.. Yet she still chose God. Boaz chose her because of her virtue.
God walked with her through the valley of the shadow of death, even though it was not the path God wanted, He took her there to refine her heart.
What is in the inside matters most to God. No the things that my husband can offer me. -_-;
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4
This sanctification process is soooooo HARD but I see the fruit of my perseverance day by day and it's so beautiful.
It's Christ's love that is starting to become molded into my own mind, soul, and body.
Ever since I was a kid, this is all I ever wanted. All I ever wanted was to be like Jesus.. I wanted to lack nothing.
But I realize as the years go by, I realize that to lack nothing is not something I can gain or earn.
It's is something that is given as a gift.. The process of sanctification itself is a gift.
In 1 Corinthians 13, even Paul says that when Love is fulfilled within us, what we "know" (our experiences and philosophies) disappear and we only know of what was revealed to us (heavenly revelation).
It is God's love literally becoming fused with my own soul. Who can ever give me such a gift?
I just need to believe. That's all that He requires... is my trust.
God's divine promise to me through Isaiah 60:1-3 gives me hope and purpose every waking morning.. I cleanse my eyes from impurities every moment I have with His Word. I enjoy every second of my life because it's His gift.
I looked forward to this day where I could see life as not a waste but a gift... And this feeling overwhelms me with thankfulness and joy..
My life is meaningless without Christ.. It is literally meaningless. Everyone and everything to me is meaningless without Christ..
I could not love others without being loved by Him.
This is the next chapter of my life, where I will become like Ruth. For Christ was her bridegroom until the Heavenly Father provided her with an earthly groom.
What do I lack? Nothing... Because I believe that Christ is within me.
This is the gospel.
